What have I been doing the past week or so? Hmmm, where do I begin? For starters, I’m getting more work at work. I’ve created a short term marketing plan for the next few months. I’ve been helping the graphics guy with designing the billboards and postcards we hand out. By helping I mean telling him what I want and making sure he doesn’t make it into some crazy Thai cartoon with blood. Yesterday I had to write a dozen radio commercials and newspaper ads. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the Australian Education Center, so I can convince them to speak at this seminar my school will be holding in a downtown hotel. I was instructed to get the Australian ambassader to Thailand but he was a little busy. The director wants me to get 200 guests to the event, which is just swell because I have to make a presentation that day. A speach, at a podium, in front of hundreds of people? Thank you public speaking 101.

Last weekend I went out in Bangkok with some friends. There was a house warming party for a fellow AIESECer. It was our own little UN at this apartment. Countries represented were the Netherlands, Germany, Australia, Belgium, Phillipines, Kenya, Thailand, and the United States. The next day I was supposed to go to the Grand Palace but I didn’t wake up in time. I went to two other temples though, I couldn’t tell you the names if I tried. I’m running out of money for the month so I went back to my house instead of clubbing. Don’t cry for me. I just laid by the pool all day. Actually, I was in the pool since it was soooo hot I couldn’t be out of the pool for more than 10 minutes. It’s so freaking hot! I think it’s in the low 90s right now, and everyone is still preparing me for the April heat. I’ve been told 45 Celcius. 45 C = 113 F. Everyone says I’m going to adjust. Except everytime I step outside I break into a dripping sweat. Work is starting, bye!

I miss taking hot showers with powerful water pressure. The water pressure is either on a light drizzle or no existant. I wake up and wonder if I will be able to take a shower. I just want water that I can stand under, even if there’s hardly any water pressure. I don’t care that the water is freezing, I just want to feeling of a shower. My hair is so long now that I have to take a shower in the morning. I have awful bed head in the morning. For the most part, I take “Thai” bathes. These consist of having a reserve bucket of water and throwing water over yourself. I’d say every week I have to take 3 Thai bathes. I probably can take a shower 3 times a week. On the weekend, when I am in Bangkok I don’t shower because there are no extra towels for me at the house I crash at. I sound disgusting don’t I?

In Thailand, massage is a near everyday part of life. Thai do not exercise but get regular massages. Well, that doesn’t sound half bad. The other night I went with some friends to go get a traditional Thai massage. No, this isn’t that kind of massage with a happy ending. Anyway, we go to this upscale place and pay 350 baht for a 2 hour massage. I have no idea what to expect from this. These ladies take us into a hallway with many mattresses divided by curtains. The light is dim and absolutely quiet. There are explicit signs (in the universal language of cartoon pictures) stating there is no talking or cellphones. On the beds are pajamas to wear. I put mine on, and the masseuse enters. Turns out I put the pants on the opposite way, draw string apparently went in the back. She takes my pants off and turns them around, as she does this she grabbed my butt. I instantly clenched my butt cheeks, and a faint “uh” sound slips from my lips. The masseuse chuckled and the mood for the next two hours was set. I lay down on the bed, and she start to rub my feet, my legs whatnot. These tiny women use their entire bodies to massage, elbows, feet, hands, knees, it’s quite intense. In fact, I would even classify half of it as painful. I am trying to relax, but it’s so hard when there is constant pain running through your body. It’s like that feel when you get stretch a sore muscle, except instead of stopping when it hurts too much, the little lady persists. I am probably more tense now than I was going into the massage. The masseuse can definitely tell I am holding my breathe, clenching muscles. She probably told me to relax in Thai but I didn’t understand what she said. This is turning into a workout for her. Anyway, it gets to the point where she is pulling my foot, extending my leg while simultaneously taking her foot and rubbing my inner thigh. I can’t help but breathe through my teeth with a frightened look in anticipation of a foot crushing my valuables. Then the masseuse gets up on top of me, and places her hands in a diamond shape around my valuables. I guess this is a pressure point in the groin that is beneficial. Well, I am trying my best to be polite and not laugh, but I can’t. If you know me, you can image what I’m like right now. I just start laughing hysterically, and this causes her to start laughing at me. It’s dead quite in here but me laughing because a masseuse is practically cupping my balls. You may wonder how I can stay unaroused with female hands so close to the reproductive organs. Let me tell you, when you have sharp pains running through your body, the last thing that is going to move is that organ. A lot of the massage is this little lady contorting my body in ways only 13 year old gymnasts should be able to move. At one point I had to stop her because there was some pinchage, if you know what I mean. The masseuse is now behind me, my head in her lap. My arms are behind my leg (very vulnerable position) and she is massaging my arms and shoulders. My armpits are extremely ticklish. I can’t help but pinch her hands in my armpits every time she has to massage their, I can’t help it. I don’t know if she was annoyed, but she thought this was funny too. Next she puts me on my stomach and climbs on top of me, using her knees to dig into my spine. I don’t know where the therapeutic aspect of this was because it hurt like a son of a gun. I will definately get another one. It is not as sexual as I made it sound. I make everything sexual though, so what did you expect from me? If anyone reading this ever decides to get a Thai massage, understand what’s install for you.

Anyone who has ever been to Bangkok has a story about getting lost. I have now joined that not-so-elite fraternity. I ventured off to Bangkok on Saturday to meet up with a friend at a shopping center, Siam Square. I did not have a cell phone at this time, so I just knew to meet her at the entrance at 11am. Well I got there and realized that there were about 4 different entrances. No big deal, I’ll just call her on her “mobile” and everything will be just dandy. Well, I can’t read Thai and I couldn’t read the pay phones. I was just putting money in the phone and blindly trying to make a call. This wasn’t working. I walked around the square trying to figure out a plan. My brilliant idea was to approach a herd of 12 year old girls in hopes that one may speak english and allow me to use their phone. As usual, my plan was a success and I placed my call. To my dismay my friend left her phone at home but gave her roommate deliberate instructions for me to meet her at the skytrain entrance at 12:30. Again, multiple entrances. After a half hour of wandering around I just screw it I’m going into central Bangkok. This was fine, I took a right and just started walking. I stumbled upon numerous street markets and saw downtown for the first time. You will never be hungry walking downtown. Smog+ fresh fish and meats+ heat = gross. I grew tired and felt it was time to meet up with my friends for dinner. Luckily I found a phone with english options, allowing me to actually make a call. I now had the address to my destination, all I had to do was hail a cab. Taxi drivers do not read English instructions. Now I have to find someone to translate my directions in Thai. A lovely girl (did you expect me to ask anyone other than a nice girl?) wrote me the Thai directions. I hailed another cab and got in, only to be kicked out because the numbers were still written in English. So much for numbers as a universal language. This was the first time I was getting really upset with the language barrier. I was starting to wonder how the hell I was going to get out of this mess. I slipped into a 7 11 to buy a pen so I could write down new directions my friend gave me. Here I see another nice Thai girl and ask her for assistance. Woohoo, she spoke decent english! Cheer ( all Thai have short nicknames) and her friend Poo hailed about a dozen cabs for me, but no one would take me Turns out it was too far away during rush hour so that is why no one would take me. They finally took me to the skytrain and made sure I knew what stop to get off at. Then they wrote down instructions in Thai so I could just give the cabbie the piece of paper. My journey that day was 7 hours, the last 3 were trying to get to the AIESEC house. This story does not seem as dramatic on paper as it was when it was happening. I’m sorry that you wasted your time reading this. Next time maybe I will write about the hip hop clubs, my fear of the ladyboys, and my future trips to Pattaya and Cambodia.

Well I made it to Thailand in one piece. The trip was looong, but having three seats to yourself on the plane makes it more tolerable. Let’s see where to start. I speak no Thai whatsoever, but I have this odd urge to speak spanish to the Thai people. I think it’s because that is the only foreign language I know. Anyway, it’s a ‘cool’ 75 degrees here. I find it quite comfortable but many people find it too chilly for their tastes. My room here at the school is really nice, just built, but the bed is like concrete. All the bathrooms in Thailand are a combo of shower (only cold water) and toilet all in one open room. I could conceivably shower while dropping a duece. Don’t worry that won’t happen. As far as my job is concerned, I have a lot of work ahead of me. First of all, the day I arrived the Marketing Dirctor was fired. Does this make me the head honcho? I guess I am the marketing department now? There are currently like 40 students at this school, there needs to be 200 in order to break even. This is why I was hired. Do they know I have never taken a marketing course in my life????? Tomorrow I have to be at a fair all day marketing this school to parents, but I don’t know how this will work since I can’t even say hello in Thai. In reference to my title, eating has been a culture shock so far. Yesterday I ate a former AIESEC student’s house. For breakfast there were around 6 dishes, all dinner foods (as we would refer them as). Everyone just eats out of these bowls as if they were their own personal dish. Double dipping is allowed. Spoons and forks are used to eat, but the fork is used to push food on the spoon. I have eaten three meals here and cannot tell you half the food items that I have consumed. I am too polite to reject any kind of food. It’s a struggle to get some of the stuff down. The only thing I have secretly thrown away is a very small tuna fish sandwhich. I don’t view that as a cultural experience. Um, this is getting long so I’ll wrap it up. bye