I apologize for my lack of blogs lately. It has come to my attention that my blogging as taken a dramatic turn downward. I credit this to the fact that I have settled into everyday life in Thailand. I no longer feel like a young traveler experiencing new adventures but rather someone who is actually living here. The zest of living abroad has subsided a bit. However, when I take a step back I am reminded that I am living in a freaking foreign country! Everyday, things that may seem mundane to me (telling a Thai taxi driver where to go is always an adventure) are actually experiences that I will never get again when I move back to the United States. Here is a blog about my recent trip to Phuket and Ko Phi Phi, parts of south Thailand that were ravaged by the tsunami.

My trip to Phuket could not have come at a better time. I was going to strangle people at work; a break was just what I needed. I was really excited to see my Madison friends (who teach English in Phuket). The night before my flight, I had a dream my flight crashed and I was really spooked all day at work. I have flown quite a bit and it’s never bothered me. However, I could not settle down. As I sat in my room preparing to leave I had to drink a beer and take pulls from my bottle of vodka. My heart stopped racing when I was at the airport. Once I stepped foot into that giant monument of chaos, I was at ease (to quote a friend, “The airport in Bangkok epitomizes everything that is wrong with Bangkok”). An example would be my flight which was late, but no one told us. When we finally were ready to board, we didn’t really board an airplane, but rather buses that would take us to the middle of the runway to meet our plane. Next stop, Phuket!

I was extremely excited when my plane landed safely. I left the airport and called my friends to figure out where I was going. I had about a 45 minute cab ride ahead of me. In Bangkok we have meters on our cabs; this isn’t the case in Phuket. In fact, when a man told me he could take me to my hostel for 400 baht I was a little bit upset; because I was told it would cost 300. Well, it was late and I had no other way of getting there, so as supply and demand would indicate, I paid the set price. When he took me to his cab, I was a bit dubious because it was just a normal car. Seriously, would you get into an unmarked Ford Focus at O’Hare and pay the man for a ride? I think not, but this is Thailand and real world rules need not apply. Regardless of my apprehensions, I paid and was on my way. I got to the hostel and hoped to meet my friend who was in a movie at the current time. I was under the assumption she was staying there with me, well I was mistaken. I made the English illiterate desk clerk look through all the reservations for the night to find my friend’s name before I got a text saying she wasn’t staying there. Whoops! After finding my bed and dumping my luggage I went to look for some food. Nothing was opened, except for a 7 Eleven, and I wasn’t in the mood for day old hot dogs. I ventured around the corner to find a sleazy little karaoke bar. I had a nice time drinking beer in silence with two Thai girls as they sat their talking about me in Thai. Finally I met my friend, had a drink and we adjourned until the next morning when we’d ship off to Ko Phi Phi!

I returned late to my hostel and was locked out of my room. I had to wake the other girl staying there to let me in, she wasn’t happy. Afraid to wake her again, I lay perfectly still in my bed (it was really loud and I move all the time when I sleep). Needless to say I slept very little. Who needs sleep when you’re going to Ko Phi Phi!!!!!!! For those of you who don’t know, Phi Phi is where Leonardo DiCaprio filmed the movie The Beach. This place was absolutely beautiful! Well besides all the construction from the rebuilding efforts. The scenery was breathtaking, and I’m not even a scenery kind of guy! I had only one day in Phi Phi so I had to make it count. What’s the first thing my friend did (the one who I traveled all the way to see) do? She dumped me off to her friends as she frolicked with my other Madison friend and her parents at a nice resort on the other side of the island. Meanwhile I went with her friends, none of whom I knew beforehand to our nice bamboo bungalows. A wolf could have definitely huffed and puffed and blown this bungalow down. In fact, when I stepped on my floor I could feel it sag. I was deathly afraid it would collapse while I slept. Finally I met up with my friends again for a long tailed boat ride around the island. We’d go in and out of several bays and coves, stopping to snorkel and admire Maya Bay (The Beach). Our first stop was actually monkey beach, where apparently real monkeys could be seen. Luckily I saw no monkeys (except when I took a pee pee under a Phi Phi palm tree, hahahaha.) The jokes stop here, as our next rendezvous was snorkeling in Viking Cove. This snorkeling experience deserves its own paragraph.

My previous snorkeling experience was in Cancun Mexico. The water was only as high as my nipples so I could stand up at any time. For some reason, I thought this would be the same experience. Heeeeeelllllll nooooo!!! We stopped in this area where the water was sea green (one of my favorite Crayola colors) and clear as a window. Over zealous, I was the first of us to jump in. I was equipped with a faulty goggle set and disgusting snorkel (I tried not to image how many people sucked on it before I did). When I was submerged in the water, my goggles instantly filled with water (These were the square goggles with a built in nose piece). I came up choking, trying to alleviate the problem. I also remembered at this time, I couldn’t stand and had to tread water when I needed to fix my equipment. When I finally cleared the water out, I tried to snorkel, only to experience a feeling like hyperventilating. It took so much effort to breath in and out of this apparatus I felt like was I breathing into a big brown paper bag. I had to keep raising my head out of pure anxiety. When this happened, I had to do my whole tread water, fix my goggles, and keep breathing routine. Everyone thought I was dying by the sounds of my violent gagging and gasping for air. When I could actually enjoy the experience (which was for about increments of 5 seconds) it was “breathtaking.” There were so many exotic fish. I’d stick my head under water and see a school of fish swimming through my hair. There was coral about 10 meters deep, with fish I’d never even seen before (most noticeably, a fish with a needle like nose). As I was exerting every ounce of energy to stay alive, my friend Megan was diving into the depths of the sea, down to touch the coral, like a dolphin in her natural habitat (Megan I don’t think you’re a dolphin, I’d probably categorize you as a Mermaid). After finally retreating to the boat I realized what would have made that swim more enjoyable: flippers and a life jacket. Perhaps then I would have been able to enjoy the experience a little more. My near death snorkeling experience aroused quite the laugh from my snorkeling colleagues. I’m just glad my small town Pennsylvania acquaintance, Caitlyn, who was there to share my misery (Thank you to my Lancaster county relatives who gave me a conversation starter with your chosen place of domicile.). Would I do this again given the opportunity? It’s hard to say, after hearing a girl on Phi Phi speak about her experience with a barracuda and a 14 foot shark (it was a species that wouldn’t eat you) I might think twice. Who the hell am I kidding? I’d probably drown before being eaten by a flesh eating fish.

The rest of my time in Phi Phi and Phuket was lovely. I’d love to tell you more, but when the sun goes down, what happens in Phi Phi stays in Phi Phi.

For those of you keeping score at home.

• Number of times Jesse has lost his credit card in Thailand: 2
• Number of times Jesse has locked himself out of his apartment in Thailand this past month: 2