I’d like to a take quick break from my final countdown and converse about my recent trip to Laos. I’ve begun my travels throughout Southeast Asia, and this past three day weekend signified that start with a quick jaunt up to Laos. Well, what I thought would be a quick journey. After talking to several seasoned veterans of the Bangkok to Vientiane bus trip I was confident this would be a great trip. According to my plan, my travel buddy and I would take a VIP bus to Vientiane, which would take 10 hours overnight, wake up refreshed and smack dab in the middle of Laos’ capitol. From there we would enjoy rice wine, BeerLao, and delicate French cuisine. I live in my own little bubble of reality.

My friend and I hopped on a bus to Laos that left at 8:30PM from Bangkok. We were going to Lao and we were gitty with excitement. The bus ride wasn’t terrible, except that I didn’t realize how cold the air-con could get. I was huddle in my thin, bus distributed blanket, shivering in my shorts and tee shirt. I managed a few hours of shut eye, but I wasn’t deterred because I was going to an exotic paradise. We left the bus for a tuk tuk which would take us to the border. After crossing the border we looked for someone to take us to Vientiane (I was under the impression it was a quick taxi ride into the city from the border, look at the map). Well, no one would take us; we thought we were being ripped off. My partner refused to give in to their demands that they would take us to “Paksan” and we could get bus to Vientiane. So, her bright idea was to stand on the dirt road at 8 AM and flipping hitchhike! Her feeble attempts were greeted with gusts of dust from the passing cars and buses. Not being entirely on board with this idea from the beginning, I head over to the taxis again and negotiate a reasonable fare. With a little luck and artful negotiating we get the taxi to take us to this “Paksan” city for their original asking price. We jump into this car that seems like it should have been disposed of 14 years ago. Who cares, we’re on our way to Vientiane!

After a 30 minute taxi ride throughout the magnificent and peaceful countryside of Laos we reach a city. Here we are greeted by hoards of bus drivers. Tired, we accept the first offer we receive to take us to the bus station. We’re thinking we’re getting ripped off again, but who cares, we on our way to Vientiane! About ten minutes later we’re in the middle of some small town and greeted by hoards of travel agents. Hungry and not in the mood for harassment, Ozlem (my Turkish travel buddy and teacher at school) and I stop for food. As she orders food I look at my Lonely Planet (thanks Frin) to find out exactly where we are. Hmm, did they say Paksan? Well that’s not too far from Vientiane, we’ll be there by lunchtime. I put down my book to look around and soak up the atmosphere. As my eyes scan the restaurant, I see a sign for Pakse to Vientiane, 150,000 Kip (or $15). What the F? That’s pretty expensive for a short trip. My eyes revert to my LP map and scan the map for Paksan again. My eyes dart back to the Pakse sign, and realize these are two different towns. Shit! Holy $*@*#&$^#!!!!! We are in freaking Pakse! Look at the map I’ve attached. Paksan and Pakse are two completely different towns! (Yes, you are probably saying “duh” but when you are in Asia and translation between Thai/Lao to English is less than perfect, it seemed plausible that these two cities were the same) At this point I was in utter disbelief that we missed our expected destination by 600 KM (375 miles)! That’s not even sort of close. What the hell just happened?

Ozlem and I are now trying to fathom our miscalculation. How did this happen? (The short story is, we asked to go to Laos, where they did drop us off. What we should have asked was to go to the border city Nohn Kai, Thailand. From there we would could have gone to Vientiane) To exacerbate the situation, we can’t get a bus to Vientiane until 8 PM. That means we had to spend the entire day in no where Laos. Thankfully LP got us through the day, offering us useful hints for coffee, food, and ATM. (Seriously, if you ever travel buy an LP. If you visit a tiny indigenous village with 9 families, LP will be able to tell you which family has the best hut and who makes the best fertility potion for the best price.)

The rest of the trip wasn’t as eventful. Lao massage, BeerLao, 10 hour bus ride, Vientiane, tourist attraction, BeerLao, tourist attraction, tourist attraction, BeerLao, 10 hour bus ride, Bangkok again. Seventy-six hours from start to finish, thirty-six hours of transportation, and one very fond memory of getting lost in Laos.