I know you’ve all been waiting for it and now it has arrived. I finally figured out how to save my home video of me climbing Mt. Kinabalu. Here is my 13,500 ft triumph edited down to ten minutes! ENJOY!
Archive for March, 2008
Saturday, March 29th, 2008
Another amateur blog entry…
Who knows if I’ll actually send these samples to someone of any importance. An ad asked for an Onion style writing sample. Here is my first attempt at fake news.
Unemployed man convinced he’s employed
March 29, 2008
Itinerary for Jared Herman, CEO, Herman Enterprises
9:45am – Shower
10:30 am – Start my work day (the joy of self-employment)
10:31 am – read the classifieds
10:42 am – look at Craigslist
10:48 am- take a mid morning nap to recharge the old battery
1:00 pm – catch a late lunch at Taco Bell
2:30pm – check IntaCube website for any openings
2:32 pm – Workout
2:49 pm – Shower
3:25 pm – snack to refuel
3:50 pm – download motivational music
4:17 pm – read “I’m a millionaire and you can too!”
4:38 pm – Check email/voicemail for any potential employers
4:39 pm – relax and wait to punch out
5:00 pm – Punch out
March 29, 2008
AP- Flint, MI
Robert Sund of
Saturday, March 15th, 2008
Straight from the layman’s lips
My first job in the United States after earning my degree from the prestigious University of Wisconsin-Madison is….Trader Joes! Yes, I am an official crew member of Trader Joes beginning on Monday. Don’t ask me what my pay is, I forgot to ask. (Don’t worry, I won’t be bagging groceries forever. I am working on full time work and have some options a brewing).
A few posts back I threw out the rhetorical question, “Can I become a professional blogger?” I looked into some second rate papers who put ads out for bloggers to see if I could in fact be paid to write on the internet. To be considered I needed sample entries. Well, thanks to the copious amounts of free time unemployment gives you, I attempted to write a sample company report (which I found to be not as easy as writing about the lunacy in my life). For now, I have decided to continue my “volunteer” blogging. However I will post my meager sample to appease curiosity. Brace yourselves.
You love them or hate them. It’s that simple. Crocs are taking over the under-ankle world. Everywhere I walk, I see someone with this heinous looking footwear. I’ll temporarily put aside my personal opinions and marvel at the lighting this company captured in a bottle.
Crocs were initially created to solve a common outdoors man dilemma. The founders of Crocs wanted to create a lightweight, slip-resistant shoe with a non-marking sole for boating and outdoor enthusiasts. Their idea spawned Crocs Beach, the original crocs. Since the initial batch of 200 pairs, Crocs has developed into a multi-million dollar company that produces over seven million pairs of shoes a month in 80 different styles and 25 different colors, success any entrepreneur would enjoy.
Wh
at made the simple foot fashion known as Crocs into a publicly traded company (Nasdaq: Crox)? Simple word of mouth, the best marketing tool any Brand Manager with an MBA will tell you. The draw behind these Swiss cheese like foot creations is the combination of colors, comfort, and creativity. The light weight of the shoe (6 ounces) make pedestrians feel like they are walking on clouds; the wide variety of colors and Jibbitz[1] allow each consumer to create a Croc that is unique to their personality. The Crocs Company has taken a phenomenon and turned it into a sustained fad.
Crocs have not only taken hold to the feet of the global population, but they are also the target of media scrutiny (except much more viable sources other than me). Print organizations ranging from the Washington Post to the men’s magazine Maxim have taken exception to the footwear. Television personalities such as HBO’s Bill Mahr and Rob Corddry of the Daily Show have also taken comedic liberties at the expense of the shoe. There is even a website devoted to the disdain toward the shoe, I Hate Crocs dot com. Despite these negative media attitudes, or perhaps because of them, Crocs continue to prosper. Crocs have successfully gone from underground cult sensation to a mainstream, name brand.
Crocs has not rested on their success of their initial design and transformed themselves
into a viable shoe company. Their website denotes their vast range of new designs, many of which resemble more socially acceptable design rather than their original Crocs model. However, despite the new aesthetically pleasing look, new Crocs stay true to their history and have the same foamy material that made them popular. The Crocs Company seems to be lead by a competent team of individuals who will work hard to make Crocs synonymous with Nike, Adidas, Reebok, and Birkenstock.
While I do not hide the fact that I have much disdain for the original foamy, plastic shoe, I have much admiration for the company that produces them. The sole intention was to make a comfortable, functional shoe. Through word of mouth, Crocs has become a globally recognized brand, a business model worth duplicating. Unfortunately for my eyes, Crocs are here to stay.
[1] Crocs purchased the company Jibbitz that manufactures accessories that snap into the holes in Crocs.
Monday, March 10th, 2008
LBPD don’t mess around…
Cop: “Put your hands in the air where I can see them!”
Cop: “Do you have any dangerous weapons?”
Cop: “Get out of the car, with your hands where I can see them!”
Cop: “Interlock your hands sir and spread your legs!”
Me: “Is this necessary?”
Cop: “I’m checking for weapons; sit on the curb, cross your legs.”
All I wanted was to test drive a car and this is what I experienced. As I have documented, I have moved to Los Angeles, which requires me to purchase a car in order to get anywhere. Well I’ve been searching high and low for a car. I found this little Saturn, but it was a manual, and I don’t know how to drive one (don’t judge). However, I’ve been told it’s easy to learn, so I figured I’d buy a manual and learn how to drive it and save myself a few pennies. In order to do this, I had to have my cousin come with me to test drive the car. We were running late and she couldn’t find her wallet. “Do you think I’ll need it?” “Nah” I replied.
Shortly after arriving at the private residence we (me, my cousin, and the owner’s boyfriend) hopped in the car to a quick test drive. In and out quiet residential streets we went until we took that fateful right turn onto busy Willow St. Almost instantly an unmarked police car put their alarm on ordering us to pull over. Oh crap, we all knew why we were pulled over. The tags on the car had expired a year ago, so this was just going to be routine…except it was LONG BEACH routine.
*Side Note: Long Beach is where Snoop Dogg is from and can turn from a pleasant neighborhood to a darn shady one pretty darn quick. Don’t worry, I live in the gay district and gangs usually steer clear of it.
“Put your ha
nds in the air where I can see them” yelled Officer King as he clutched his hand gun. “Do you have any identification?” What do you think the odds would be that none of the three people in the car had their license on them? My cousin didn’t have her wallet, I had taken out my license to go to the gym, and the seller was doing yard work when we came by. The three of us were taken out of the vehicle, only the seller and I were forced to interlock our hands on our heads with our legs spread as the cops searched us. “Interlock your hands!”
Apparently the cops were worried about my cousin’s “safety.” I guess you can’t drive down Long Beach in a car with expired tags, with no driver’s license, and three people who look nothing alike. I guess they thought we had kidnapped my cousin and forced her to drive this crappy car, because logically that’s the only good reason for someone to drive this piece of junk.
The cops ended up being pretty cool, once they believed the situation. They were like “Welcome to California” when my storied was told. I thought the whole experience was humorous and reminiscent of the time in high school my buddies and I were pulled over and put on the curb (sans the clutched gun and forceful frisking). Needless to say, I’m looking for another car, an automatic and my cousin always has her driver’s license with her.
Tuesday, March 4th, 2008
Dazed and Confused
Here I sit, in front of my computer, trying to fathom what the hell is going on in my life right now. How could I get so lost in such a short amount of time?
Yesterday I probably went on the worst ever second interview in the history of the 
world. Basically I went on an all day sales call with a field representative for The Ad Group (which is one of many subsidiaries of Cydcor) and went to random businesses to push office supplies on them. Yes, this was definitely a page out of Dunder Mifflin. I felt like Ryan the temp with Dwight. I started out approaching businesses side by side with the rep, as the day progressed I would stand further and further away from this guy. By the end, I barely went in the door, pretending I wasn’t associated with this door to door charlatan. This was probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s a fancy pyramid scheme . They’re all idiots who work there. I don’t care if any of them read this, I hope they do. Maybe they’ll stop drinking the Kool-Aid and come back to reality. Buy Office Depot!
With that bad taste still in my mouth I went back to the hunt, which is turning out to be a bit more difficult than previously believed. I’m using very resource at my disposal. I’m looking at part time work, full time, temporary full time, in every possible field. What makes my search so difficult? It would have to be my well documented indecisiveness on a career. I usually get stuck on the first question posed by temp agencies: Job title desired? Or describe the career opportunity you are looking for. I am so bucked. Shoot, I misspelled that. Yay for “living the dream.”
Question. Can I become a professional blogger? Would the eight people who read this blog spread the word? I promise I will up my game and write even more fabulous, side stitching stories of the debauchery that is my life.
I know that my life isn’t in shambles, despite my best efforts to portray it that way. Who knows, maybe in three days I’ll post that I got the “gig” of a lifetime. Worst case scenario, I an always max out the credit card and go teach English in Thailand.
Sunday, March 2nd, 2008
Reality Check: Tip not included
Well, for those of you who don’t know, I bought a one way ticket to Los Angeles last week and I arrived here on Wednesday, February 27 (If you didn’t know, don’t feel bad; neither did my cousin who I decided I was moving in with. Surprise!). I’ve known for some time that I wanted to move to LA, but I’ve never been here before. Some may say that I’ve seen one too many episodes of Entourage and Californiacation. This is entirely possible, but regardless, I’m here with no money to return to frosty Wisconsin.
It’s true, I have NO money. Thailand pay doesn’t translate well in American dollars (even with the weak dollar) so I’m left with nothing but a blog full of semi-entertaining stories after my year there. Yet, I still moved to across the country with high hopes. Perhaps it’s because I find my chances of landing an entry level marketing job much more feasible than the other poor sap who left LAX with me with the ambition of a movie career. Either way, we’re both going to be fighting each other for the coffee barista job or night time server at the corner diner. Only difference is, I won’t be reading lines during break and dreaming of a million dollar pay day unlike the future Ed Begley Jr.
Am I worried about my current financial state? Oddly, no. Sure it would be nice to buy some groceries, but I guess I have my whole life to do that. Instead, I feel excitement about the events that are to come. I know I’m going to have to work my ass off at menial jobs along with my full time job to make ends meat and save a few pennies, but that just doesn’t deter me. I just know that I will reap the benefits of my hard work at some point. Hopefully that point won’t be 35.
In keeping with the LA/Hollywood spirit, maybe I should write a sitcom pilot about my experience 
(exaggerated of course)? Starry eyed college grad moves out to LA from the farmland of America, ready for a life full of Mercedes-Benz and supermodels. Instead he gets a crappy apartment (even though it will be depicted on TV as quite nice) with a rusty ‘94 Accord with 200,000 miles on it and a low hourly wage job. The story would be him juggling his two lives, ambitious go-getter, and hourly wage drone. There would be a crazy neighbor for laughs, a co-worker with girl-next-door looks that gives the story sexual tension, and struggling co-ed roommates who can relate to his plight and give the show more plot lines. Freaking brilliant! Print this out and fax it over to Fox. With some of the crap they’ve aired, this is a near shoe in.
That last paragraph was quite unexpected. I just wanted to update everyone on my current situation and ask that everyone send me postcards (read: donations) to 2015 E. Broadway #308 Long Beach California 90803. Also, I’d like to send out a BIG blogosphere shout out to my cousin Mary Jane and her husband Damian for putting me up in their spare room. One day, I too will offer an air mattress to a poor unfortunate soul. Could that be you?
